


Best Part of Me (Was Always You)

by Beckyjanestylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, M/M, Smut, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:35:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beckyjanestylinson/pseuds/Beckyjanestylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up, Harry and Louis were best friends and they were happy. They told each other everything and things were simple. It seemed like that simplicity would carry on until adulthood, but things don't always turn out the way you plan. <br/>Or the one where Harry and Louis are best friends, until they're not.<br/>(I suck at summaries!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best Part of Me (Was Always You)

The Styles were famous. Basically a British version of the Kardashians, with less butt implants and boob jobs. It had been that way since before Harry was born, so was all he had ever known. They didn’t particularly do anything spectacular; his mum Anne ran a successful fashion brand and his sister Gemma grew up to be a beautician, but for some reason everybody seemed to find their life fascinating. One day they’d just become all anybody could talk about, and it had stayed that way for at least ten years now. Harry didn’t see what was so interesting, but supposed that was just the way things were. As for him, he was the charmer of the family.

He guessed he had quite an easy life. Growing up, everybody had always adored him and he’d pretty much got what he wanted. He wasn’t exactly spoilt, just lucky. Ever since Anne had announced her pregnancy five years after giving birth to Gemma, almost every Brit – and other nationalities – had increased their interest dramatically, desperate to see what the newest member of the Styles family would look like. So when the first picture of a small bundle in a blue blanket with a button nose, rosebud lips, green eyes and brown curls (an unusual amount for a baby) was tweeted, everybody’s hearts were instantly captured. Naturally.

Growing up, none of that charm had been lost, and Anne had had to make several public complaints about people stalking her son. She still did her best to protect her children, although Harry being Harry didn’t really help himself. He felt bad if he ignored the paparazzi; “mummy, it’s their job! They can’t be poor!” was his excuse. So there were often large amounts of pictures of him circulating at any one time, and an unfathomable amount of rumours were spread for a child of his age. Anne got quite exasperated; a child younger than ten was hardly going to get up to such ridiculous scandals.

The media sometimes bothered Harry, but not usually. He only really got irritated when they intruded on personal matters, or spread rumours that were blatantly untrue. Other than that, he didn’t mind. What was wrong with giving fans a glimpse of him, or sharing some funny anecdote? He was honoured by their interest, and didn’t understand his family’s or other celebrities’ annoyance. And in return, the press kept bad rumours to a minimum; they didn’t want to lose Harry’s cooperation.

Probably the time Harry got most fed up with the press was just after his parents’ divorce. Predictably, the press had honed in on this juicy morsel of gossip and paid a stupid amount of attention to it, publicising every detail. There were the magazines who took Anne’s side, saying she’d make an amazing single mother (which she did) and ones that took Des’ side, claiming he didn’t need that ‘cheap tart’. Then, of course, there were the ones that said that they were both as bad as each other and deserved what they got. All comments hurt, and Harry found it particularly hard to cope with the negative press. He was only seven, and his home had just been torn apart. Like practically every child whose parents get divorced, he thought he was to blame, and couldn’t get his head around the fact that his parents pretty much hated each other. All the attention wasn’t exactly helping. He withdrew into himself, spending less time out and about in the public eye, and of course the paparazzi had to go and make rumours about that, saying he was becoming a recluse.  
***  
It was just after the divorce that he first met Louis. Louis, with his bright blue eyes and positive nature was exactly what Harry needed at that precise moment in time. Louis may or may not have been wandering the streets near where Harry’s house was rumoured to be. Like Harry, he’d only been seven and the boy that was in all the gossip magazines had touched his curiosity. He just wanted a real life glimpse. His mum didn’t actually know how far from home he had gone, but he told himself he’d get back as soon as possible. Harry had just been walking along, kicking a rock and being lonely. It wasn’t always fun being famous; it meant he didn’t have many friends and his mum was quite strict on who he could be close to. Virtually his only friend was Liam Payne, son of a footballer. 

So the two had been walking along, Harry looking at the ground, Louis surveying the ‘posh area of town’ and the two had sort of collided. It had started with an “Oops!” followed by a “Hi” and pretty much just happened from then on. Louis had stared at Harry with wide eyes, blurted out “You’re famous!” then covered his mouth with his hands as if that simple sentence had been offensive.

Harry had blinked back at him, saying “Why do you have the old England football kit on?” Pretty untactful he realised later, but he’d been too young to understand that not everybody had as much money as him and his family.

Louis had just shrugged in response, saying “Mum says she can’t afford it and there’s nothing wrong with this one.”

“I’ll buy you the new one, one day” Harry had promised him. There were a lot of things he hadn’t learnt growing up, and talking to strangers was one. He didn’t really understand boundaries and was excessively nice, sometimes too nice for his own good.

Louis had grinned a gappy smile (recently having lost several teeth) and said excitedly “Wait ‘til my mum finds out I met you!”

Harry had bit his lip nervously, not knowing how his own mum would react to that. “Let my mum clear it first” he’d told him, before inviting Louis back to his house. He rarely ever had people other than Liam over, so was unsure how his mum would react, but surely his mum wouldn’t deny him just this once.

Harry led Louis back the way he’d came from, down a path and finally up a driveway, where two extremely expensive looking cars were parked. A Porsche and a Ferrari if Louis remembered what his dad had taught him.

“Cool cars” he breathed in awe.

Harry wrinkled his nose. “I liked our old Audi better. But mum says I can have one of my own in, um, nine and a half years. I think.” He wasn’t being brattish; it was just that this was the kind of atmosphere he’d grown up in.

“Can I drive it?” Louis had asked enviously.

“Sure” Harry had replied easily, still not really understanding the ins and outs of the world and so responding with naivety.

The next thing to catch Louis’ interest was the house itself. “That’s massive” Louis said, craning his neck to try and see all the way up to the roof, with a balcony on the loft floor.

“I got lost in there when I was little” Harry admitted. “But I know every room now. I get my own room, and a play room and even my own bathroom.”

“Wow” Louis replied, impressed. He had four siblings and because he was the only boy got his own room, but the others all had to share in pairs. It was a tight squeeze for all his family to fit in their house.

Harry tugged impatiently on the elbow of Louis’ hoodie. “Come on!”

Louis climbed up the steps which seemed vast to someone as small as him, and admired the elegant decor as he entered the porch and then the hallway once Harry had opened the door. “Mum!” he called, and Louis heard heels clacking on the floor. Anne soon appeared, and was even more beautiful in real life than she was in magazines or on TV.

“Who’s this?” she asked her son, and Harry looked at her sheepishly.

“He’s Louis. He’s my new friend” he told her, and Louis was surprised. He’d only met Harry about fifteen minutes ago, and they’d barely talked. He liked the sound of being his friend though. He’d soon learn that this was the way things worked with Harry; simple and easy. He didn’t like nor feel the need to overcomplicate things, and that worked the majority of the time.

“Is he now?” his mother asked with a raised eyebrow.

“S-sorry, I can g-go if you like Mrs Styles” Louis stuttered anxiously.

“Call me Anne” she replied, instantly warming to this apparently harmless young boy. It would be good for Harry to get some friends. Nevertheless, her protective mum instinct meant that she would keep an eye on Louis to make sure he really was as innocent he seemed. She had learnt the hard way about gold diggers and people using her for her fame.

Throughout the day, Louis and Harry got to know each other a bit better. As well as Anne, Louis met Gemma and was just as starstruck with her. He was too young to quite get his head around the whole celebrity thing. He was amazed by Harry’s wide range of toys, and was thrilled when Harry generously said he could take home two of his toy cars. Louis had endless questions about Harry’s life, and Harry answered them honestly, Louis not quite comprehending how someone could live Harry’s way. He thought it would be the best thing ever.

Louis also told Harry about his family, his four sisters, his mum and his dog. They had many things in common; both having no dad present, were born only two months apart, both supported Manchester United, and had several common interests.

After a while of playing, Anne came back into the room, informing Louis it was three o’clock, and asking how long he was allowed to stay. He looked nervous. “Mummy said I had to be home by three” he said.

Anne tutted a bit, but replied “Okay, maybe we can drop you home? I’ll explain things to your mum.”

Louis nodded eagerly, unable to think of anything better than being seen with the Styles. He told Anne where he lived and she decided it was near enough that they could walk. During the day, Anne had come to believe that Louis really only wanted to be his friend, and Harry’s being famous was just an added bonus. She felt that both her and her son could become fond of the small, mischievous boy, but knew that meeting his mum would clarify things for sure.

“Can I come?” Harry asked, when he heard his mum’s plan.

“Sure honey, get your shoes on.”

The three of them set out, not worrying about Gemma as she’d gone to a friend’s house. They arrived at a fairly normal looking house, and Louis stopped, looking ashamed. “This is it” he said, slightly ashamed.

Harry rushed up through the garden unperturbed. “Oh my gosh you have a lion knocker!” he exclaimed. “Mum, can we get one?” His mum just ruffled his curls fondly. Harry then turned to Louis. “Can I knock it?”

Louis giggled, not seeing the excitement over a knocker that had been on his door longer than he could remember. “Sure.”

After a slight wait, a slim, frazzled looking woman opened the door. Upon seeing her son, her face turned disapproving. “Louis, you were supposed to be home twenty minutes ago! I’ve been worried sick!” Her gaze then fluttered to the people standing behind Louis, and she froze. “You – aren’t you – Anne and Harry Styles?”

Anne nodded. “Sorry for any fuss, I didn’t realise that Louis had to be home so soon. Harry just enjoyed playing with him, it’s nice to see him so happy.”

Jay didn’t quite know what to make of the whole situation. “Come in, come in. Sorry for the mess” she muttered. They followed her into the front room, seeing a toddler sat on the sofa watching TV, a slightly younger child giggling on the floor, and two identical babies in cribs.

Louis pointed to each of them, saying loudly “Lottie, Daisy, Phoebe, and Felicite.” Then, almost without drawing breath, he said “Mum, can Harry come see my room?”

“If he wants to” Jay replied, uncertainly looking at Anne, who nodded her approval.

The boys rushed off up the stairs, Harry’s impressed sounds floating down behind them. Jay looked at Anne, and gestured bewilderedly to the sofa, Anne taking a seat and looking rather out of place; her designer brands on the Tomlinson's ratty sofa. 

“So, um, how did Louis and Harry...?” Jay wasn’t sure quite how to word her question.

“I believe they bumped into each other wandering by our house” Anne replied, and Jay grew even more flustered.

“Louis’ not supposed to be out that way, I’ll have to have a word, well, never mind that. I hope you didn’t mind looking after Louis, I’m terribly sorry.”

Anne smiled once again, understanding her mum worries. “Don’t be, he’s a lovely child and very polite. Harry really likes him, and it’s nice seeing him happy for once. To be honest, I think he gets lonely quite often.”

“Well he’s always welcome here” Johannah replied without thinking, then remembered who she was talking to. “If you don’t mind, that is” she added hastily.

“Of course not!”

The two mums chatted for about an hour, Jay relaxing more and finding that Anne was a perfectly normal, down to earth woman. Like their sons, they got on well, and agreed to meet up soon. Anne complimented the girls, remembering all of their names, and Jay flushed with pleasure.

When the time came for the Styles to leave, Anne shouted to Harry, who pouted stubbornly, but left once his mum promised him he could see Louis again soon. Her and Jay had exchanged numbers so they could keep in contact.

When they got home, all Harry could talk about was Louis, and when Anne spoke to Jay a few days later, she found out that it was the exact same situation with Louis.  
***  
Over the weeks and months, the boys continued to grow increasingly closer, and their families got to know each other better. Before long, the Tomlinsons were no longer bothered by the fame thing, and found it completely normal to be followed by a bunch of cameras when out with one of the Styles. Louis called Harry Hazza and Harry called Louis Boo, and things were pretty much perfect in the early years of their friendship. They told each other absolutely everything, and knew each other inside out.

Harry and Louis were inseparable, and it got to the point that their mothers would be surprised if they weren’t together. After a while of friendship, Harry introduced Louis to Liam and Louis introduced Harry to his own friend Zayn. All four of them hit it off, and that was the way it worked for years. Harry and Louis and Liam and Zayn. Of course, Louis and Zayn became famous by association, but weren’t as well known as Liam and Harry, so didn’t have it quite as bad. They coped relatively well, but sometimes they, especially Zayn, got frustrated with never being able to do anything without attention. Their friendship meant more though, so they dealt with it.

Harry kept his promise and got his mum to buy Louis the newest England football shirt. Jay was reluctant to accept it at first, but Harry and Anne insisted, and she couldn’t disappoint Louis’ hopeful face. After that, it became tradition. Every season Harry would buy Louis the new football kit, and Louis practically lived in it.  
***  
When it was time for the boys to start secondary school, Harry begged his mum to be able to go to the mainstream school. Liam had finally been allowed, and Louis and Zayn had obviously gone to public schools their whole lives. Harry was more famous out of the four of them though, so it would be more difficult for him. After a lot of persuasion and a word with the headteacher, Anne finally agreed.

It took a while for Harry to adapt, but after the initial shock his peers had at actually having the Harry Styles in school with them, he settled in fairly well. Needless to say, he was popular, but he always stuck with Louis, Liam and Zayn. He received a lot of attention from the girls, and yeah, maybe he did snog a few of them. He was a boy, it was what he’d come to believe that boys did, even if it didn’t feel totally right. Liam and Louis showed interest in girls though, and Zayn was always in an on and off relationship with a girl called Perrie, so he just followed what his friends did. They had more experience than him so obviously knew what they were doing.

But after a few years of this, when he was about fourteen, he was old enough to know the wrong feeling he’d been getting was too significant to ignore. It was blatantly trying to get him to realise that he couldn’t do this his whole life – he couldn’t be with girls. He had no idea how to come out to anyone. Louis, his family, his friends, the press. Why did he have to come out anyway? There wasn’t that much of a different between gays and straight people. He wasn’t sure how people would react. Homophobia was still rife among society. True, there were a few gays – boys and girls – he knew of in his school, people like Cara and Nick. They weren’t disliked, but they mainly kept to themselves.

He decided to go to his mum first. She was understanding, and he hoped she’d support him. At first he tried dropping subtle hints, but they didn’t work. So after a few days he just came out and said it. The words felt refreshing on his tongue. “Mum, I’m gay.” She’d just hugged him, saying “I know.” He was surprised he’d been that easy to read, but supposed mums had that sort of sixth sense when it came to their kids. She talked with him about how he wanted to tackle the issue of the media, and together they decided to wait a few weeks until Harry had told everybody close to him. Luckily Gemma took it just as well, and with the support of his family behind him, he became more confident.

Louis was the next person to tackle; he needed his best friend to support him. He was slightly worried about telling him though. Growing up, their boundaries had never been definite, and maybe they did hold hands while watching scary films, and maybe they did share a bed at sleepovers, and so what if they'd seen each other naked? None of that had mattered before, but now Harry worried that Louis would see those times differently. They were at the age where they were no longer innocent, and Harry didn't know what to think or feel anymore. 

Louis was over at his as usual, and Harry was acting quieter than usual. Louis expertly picked up on it, jumping on Harry and demanding to know the problem. Harry squealed a bit before returning to his solemn attitude. "Boo, like, hypothetically speaking, if someone liked a boy, what would you think?" he said quietly, in a rush. 

Louis sighed overdramatically. "Hazza, if this is your way of telling me you're gay, then that's fine."

Harry stared at him stunned. "How did you...was it my mum?" 

Louis shook his head. "One, I am your best friend in the world and know everything about you. Two, you sleep talked."

Harry flushed and groaned. "What did I say? When?" 

"Not long ago, our last sleepover. Don't worry, it was nothing embarrassing. You were just worrying about people seeing you differently. Quite cute really. I'm proud of you Hazza. And remember, you'll always have me. I didn’t say anything before cause I didn’t wanna push you."

Harry grinned as Louis pulled him in for a hug. Homosexuality had never been an issue for Louis (or so he told himself. Others being gay was fine, but he himself had feelings he didn't even want to begin to think about). However, he didn't see the need for anything to change just coz Harry liked dick, so things didn't change. 

Zayn and Liam were just as accepting, and when word somehow got out around school that he was gay, Harry didn't really mind. His popularity only diminished slightly, and that was fine by him. 

Unsurprisingly the press soon found out. In a way, Harry was relieved; it saved him from having to find a way to do it himself. Of course, he got some bad press, and some hate tweets, but Louis was there to keep his spirits up. Besides, most of his fans found him cute. A few girls were disappointed, but speculation quickly turned to who Harry's first boyfriend would be. Pretty soon, the whole topic of him being gay was out of the press, replaced by the latest sex scandal or teenage pregnancy or whatever. 

So things worked like that. And when Liam and Zayn got into a relationship a few months later, Harry couldn't have been more pleased for them. He was still yet to find a boyfriend, and that was due to one particular boy; Louis. He hadn't realised he was gay because he was Louis, but now that he was sure of his sexuality, other things started to fall into place alongside that. At first he'd assumed that it was just because he was very close to Louis, but then realised that he never felt like that about Liam, Zayn or any of his other male friends. 

They weren't a couple, they were still best friends. But now the boundaries were even more blurred than ever. Neither really knew how it had happened. One day, they'd simply found themselves naked and sweaty in bed together, bodies pressed flush against each other, Harry inside Louis, and the older boy grunting and whimpering beneath him. Harry could barely think straight, just focused on pounding into Louis, moving their hips against each other, sweaty, tangled curls falling into his eyes. 

When they finished, Louis left immediately, not out of anger, just out of awkwardness and embarrassment. Neither of them mentioned it, but if they fucked once or twice more, then so what? They both just told themselves they were teenage boys, and needed stress relief from being, well, teenage boys. They were still each other's best friends, they just happened to like having sex occasionally. And what was wrong with that? (A lot, but neither wanted to admit it.)  
***  
As time passed, they started to realise that maybe, after that first time, they should have talked. Their friendship started to get awkward, things got tense, and they weren’t as easy as they had been growing up. They couldn’t act as natural around each other anymore, always scared about having to constantly keep track of every one of their actions. Neither knew how the other felt any more, and a distance grew between them. They barely told each other anything, and only hung out when they had to, or when they were with Liam and Zayn, whose relationship was still going strong.

Then, just after they’d both turned sixteen, things got even worse. It started with a new student, and five words. “Class, this is Eleanor Calder.” Eleanor was preppy, cute and funny. She was exactly what Louis needed to take his mind off of Harry. She was the epitome of everything Harry dreaded.

As for Louis, he was confused. Growing up, he’d known Harry was special, but assumed that was just because they were best friends. He thought nothing of acting slightly flirty with Harry – he was too young to really know what that properly meant. But when he got to the age he could understand, and felt the beginnings of a crush coming on, he pushed them down. His step dad wasn’t accepting of gays, to say the least, and he’d had it drilled into him from a young age that being gay was a sin. His mum was fine with it, but hid her true feelings so as not to upset Mark. Louis had never particularly seen anything wrong with liking someone of the same sex, and that was why Louis hated Mark. He’d banned Harry from the house since he’d come out, and Louis couldn’t forgive him for that. So overall, Louis was fine with others being gay, but simply couldn’t be gay himself.

So Louis showed an exaggerated interest in Eleanor from the very first time they spoke. He never knew why he picked her; she'd just happened to come along at an appropriate time and seemed as good a girl as any. Eleanor had reciprocated that interest, and pretty soon it was obvious they were a couple. Harry never made an effort to hide his dislike for Eleanor, and that pissed off Louis. Several times he confronted Harry about changing his attitude, but Harry didn’t see why he should, so these confrontations often ended in arguments and the boys not talking. Eleanor was overly nice to Harry, but was always met with hostility.

The press had always speculated about Harry and Louis’ relationship; ever since Ziam came out they had claimed Louis and Harry were dating. This had never bothered the boys before, but now that Louis had a girlfriend, it just pissed him off. He had enough turmoil in his head, he didn’t need the press making all this up. They knew he was with Eleanor, did they just want to ruin his relationship?

He'd tried talking to Harry about it, to do something to dispel the rumours, but Harry was uncooperative as usual. He'd simply shrugged, saying "Well they've got a bit right, haven't they?"

That comment had irked Louis, and he knew his face had shown it. Harry just simply couldn't bring himself to help Eleanor; the girl who was coming between him and Louis, further straining their friendship. If anything, he'd encouraged it; dropping hints in a few interviews, standing unnecessarily close to Louis the rare times they went out together. 

Needless to say, this caused many more arguments, and led to Louis sticking up for Eleanor. He didn't really know why; he didn't even like Eleanor that much himself. He guessed he just had to live up to the protective boyfriend facade. Doing this wasn't exactly helping the situation between he and Harry, but it seemed like that had already gone too far anyway.  
***  
One rare night, they were hanging out together. There was tension in the air, and they were barely speaking. Louis had only come over cause Anne had wanted to see him, and you didn’t say no to Anne Styles. Harry had tried making a few advances on him, like in the old days, but Louis had failed to react.

When he caught Harry staring at him, he turned to face him, and his anger bubbled to the surface. “What do you want Harry?” he demanded furiously.

Harry looked a bit hurt, but was not put off. “You, Boo. I want us to be together. Like the old days, but more, better.”

Louis only grew angrier. “Don’t call me Boo! We can’t be together, I have a fucking girlfriend. I’m straight, and as far as I’m concerned, what happened in the past never happened. We definitely can never fuck again. If you can’t accept that, then I’m afraid we can’t be friends.”

Harry had let a solitary tear roll down his reddening cheek, but had leaned forward, in an attempt to kiss Louis. Louis had pulled back angrily. “Harry, get off me! I love Eleanor, not you! Why can’t you accept that already?”

Harry had looked broken, and Louis had felt tremendously guilty. But he couldn’t be gay, couldn’t be with Harry. “I think you’d better leave, Louis. I'd thought we'd survive anything, that we would get through this. Obviously not. Just know that you'll probably be the best friend I'm ever gonna have” Harry said, voice cracking.

Louis had left, doing his best to ignore Harry's heartbreaking mini speech, and had gone straight to Eleanor’s, into her too girly room, smelling her too feminine perfume. He just needed a distraction, to pretend what had just happened wasn't real. There was only one person he wanted to comfort him, but it looked like he’d never see that person again.

Harry had flopped over on his bed, screaming into the pillow and letting his tears stain the fabric. Anne had came in and stroked his hair, knowing it would be pointless to try and comfort her son. She guessed it was something to do with Louis; she’d always suspected the two had had something more to their friendship, but had never said anything. When Harry told her the story, she was disappointed that Louis would lead Harry on like that, but knew that the important thing to do was to help Harry mend. She promised him he’d find someone better, who would understand him.  
***  
Shortly after the fallout, Eleanor told Louis she’d been offered a university placement in the USA. She’d told him she was going to take it, and had asked if he would like to come. She’d claimed it was his choice, but he’d detected the undertone of a threat in her voice, and it had made his skin prickle. He’d gone anyway. He had nothing better to do, and it would get him away from Harry. Ever since the press had found out him and Harry no longer spoke, they’d created endless rumours, many hurtful to Eleanor. Moving to America would hopefully get them both away from that.

Harry found out from Gemma that Louis had moved, and was devastated, and furious, and a lot of emotions rolled into one. He’d hoped that they would make up some day, but there didn’t seem to be much chance of that happening now.  
***  
Harry was sad after Louis left. Sad was actually an understatement to be honest. Not only had he confessed his feelings, only to have them torn to shreds, he’d also lost his best friend. He had Liam and Zayn, but it wasn’t the same. They had each other, and he couldn’t tell them anything like he had been able to with Louis. He wished they’d never fucked that first time, maybe then he could have suppressed his feelings and would still have Louis. Losing a best friend is painful, even if you’ve grown apart. Even if they’ve changed, you can’t help missing the way they used to be, and wondering if there’s any way you could go back to that. Harry kept thinking over and over, wondering if there was any way Louis and him could ever get back to how they used to be. If he ever saw Louis again that was. Zayn and Liam tried to cheer him up, but there was only so much they could do. Harry had to want to fix himself, and if he didn’t try, he wouldn’t get better. The bags under his eyes grew, and his smile was making less and less appearances.  
***  
Louis saw all the pictures of Harry in Eleanor’s magazines, and hated them. He himself rarely made an appearance nowadays, lost in the realm of ex-friends of celebrities. He bet people barely remembered him now. In all the new pictures, Harry barely looked like Harry. He’d lost his happy glow, that sparkle in his eyes, and had also lost a lot of weight. Louis just wanted to help him, listen to all his problems like he had so many times before, but knew he couldn’t. Even if he’d thought things could be put right, it wasn’t possible. He’d deleted Harry’s number, his email address, deleted him off all social networks and severed all contact. Harry still followed him on Twitter, but he didn't really know why. He guessed Harry was still trying to hang on to part of their friendship, and that would have given him hope if he'd allowed it to. True, he still knew Anne's address off by heart, and probably always would, but he knew he’d never have the guts to go and visit.

So he continued to search the gossip magazines for any trace of Harry when Eleanor was in the bathroom or at work or something. He learnt every piece of new information, most of it trivial. After about six months, Harry started looking better. He smiled more, went out more, and looked like Harry again. Harry put it down to him just trying to move on, assuming Liam and Zayn was helping him. Until the first picture of Harry and HIM was released. Harry with that boy, holding hands. Niall Horan. The name was a bitter taste in Louis’ mouth. Like Louis, he had blue eyes, but that was probably where the similarities ended. He was slightly smaller, slightly chubbier, had blonde hair, and seemed to be always smiling. Soon, it was announced that Harry was dating him. The article was like a stab through Louis’ heart; a direct interview with Harry. He said he believed it could be love, and he and Niall were definitely serious. It was all very cute and quite frankly made Louis want to puke. After that, he looked at the gossip magazines less regularly, afraid of what he might find. When he did look, it was mainly pictures of Harry’s newest tattoos, or sickening updates on his life with Niall.

So overall, Louis wasn’t really happy, but he survived. He got a job in a respectable hotel, because there wasn’t a lot else he could do. He got engaged to Eleanor, because he was constantly put under pressure by his family and friends to do so. However, one of them was always calling it off, only to get back together a few days later, so he doubted they’d actually ever getting around to getting married. He had virtually no contact with his life back home; contact with Zayn and Liam had stopped almost instantly after he moved. He guessed they’d taken Harry’s side. He only ever talked to his family when he had to. The less reminders, the better. He’d never forget Harry, but maybe one day he could stop constantly thinking about him.  
***  
As for Harry, he wasn’t too bad. Niall had cheered him up when he was at his lowest. Boys seemed to have a knack for finding him just when he really needed someone; he’d met Louis after his dad left, and then met Niall when Louis left. He refused to let himself think about Louis too much. Louis had to mean nothing to him, that’s what he convinced himself. Louis had hurt him, left him broken, and Niall had only just been able to fix him. Niall was amazing, he really was. He was funny, attractive, and adorable. He’d moved in with Harry and they spent practically every moment together. He got on with Harry’s friends, and the fame didn’t bother him. He was easygoing, and understanding. Harry had tearfully confessed about Louis to Niall, and Niall had held him as he cried. Niall didn’t feel jealous, just sad that someone could do this to Harry. His boyfriend meant everything to him. He couldn't hurt Niall the way Louis had hurt him. 

So Harry got on with life, managing to smile, even though there would always be a sadness left by Louis right in the centre of his heart. Louis was just too big a part of his life to let go of completely, and he still hoped that maybe someday they could be friends again. He wasn’t sure how Niall would take that, but it may never happen so he didn’t worry about it. He led everyone to believe that he was over Louis, even Niall, who knew him almost as well as Louis had done. Truth was, he wasn’t. He wasn’t as unstable as he had been at first, but his life was still pretty much based around Louis. He still bought an England football kit in Louis’ size every year, struggling to hold back tears as he placed it on the growing pile at the back of his wardrobe where Niall would never find them. When he learnt to drive and got his first car, he felt an ache that Louis wouldn’t be able to drive it as he had told him he could all those years ago. He missed Louis, but he guessed that after Louis’ harsh words, Harry didn’t mean shit to him. It wasn’t as if Louis had tried to keep in contact.

And if he felt a twinge of nostalgia when Niall took to calling him Hazza, then it was understandable. He never corrected Niall; the blonde boy wasn’t to know, and it wasn’t as if Louis held all claims over that name.  
***  
When Niall proposed, Harry said yes. He had to. He loved Niall, right? And when you loved someone you normally got married to them. He couldn't disappoint Niall by saying no. Besides, it would show that he really had moved on, even if he knew deep down that he hadn't. The gossip magazines focused on every detail; what make the suits would be, colour schemes, flowers, speeches - they couldn’t wait for the date to come around. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to marry Niall. He did. But Louis should be at his wedding; if not as his husband then as his best man.  
***  
When Eleanor showed Louis the exclusive double spread in a gossip magazine he didn’t know the name of, his blood ran cold. “Could have invited us. I mean, I know you’re not really friends any more, but look at the guests they’re having! It’s gonna be a really posh affair” she complained, completely oblivious. Evidently all she was concerned was by meeting celebrities, getting some extent of recognition, and the material side of everything. She didn't even care that Louis' best friend was moving on without him. Or should that be ex-best friend? Sure, Louis had made a few new friends, but none as good as Harry. As far as he was concerned, position of Louis Tomlinson's best friend would always be open to Harry, no matter how long they spent apart. 

Louis had made a strangled noise as he read the headline. “Harry Horan or Niall Styles?” He almost laughed; both names sounded completely ridiculous. But this was not a time for laughing. He’d never believed that Harry could move on THIS much; actually get married. It shouldn’t be Niall, it should be him. He looked at the rings; too sparkly, expensive and show-off-y for his taste. He could barely stomach seeing Harry and Niall standing together holding hands. His hand would have fit much better in Harry’s. Right in the middle of the spread, mocking him, was a picture of Niall kissing Harry right on the lips. Louis couldn’t stand it; he hit the paper, ripping it slightly. Eleanor had wandered off to get a drink or something, and he was glad for that. He skim read the article, not believing his eyes when he got to the last paragraph.

“But what we want to know is, what about Harry’s former best friend and rumoured lover Louis Tomlinson? Will he be attending Haz and Niall’s lavish ceremony? Or is he well and truly out of the picture? We’d love to see his cute face again, in our opinion it’s been too long.”

That article had Louis thinking for the rest of the day. Many things settled into place, and he became surer than ever of the fact that he was in love with Harry, even after not seeing him for four years and nine months. He’d fucked things up, and now Harry had found a replacement who actually knew how to treat him properly.

Harry or no Harry, he’d come to the conclusion that he’d subconsciously known for months, but had buried. He had to split up with Eleanor, and for good this time. It wasn’t fair on her to do this. They were sat watching TV that night when he turned to her.

“El, I’m moving out” he said, and she turned to him, lips a perfect ‘o’ of confusion.

“Why?”

“It’s not working. I’d never be able to treat you right. I’m sorry. It’s for good this time.”

“Hmm. Okay, whatever. Do your thing. But don’t come crawling back this time.”

Louis nodded, immediately going to pack. It was no use being civil; Eleanor could be a bitch and he’d obviously hurt her feelings, even though he made it obvious he knew it was his fault. That’s why things would never work; they were way past that. They got on each other’s nerves too much nowadays. Besides, Eleanor's lack of reaction just proved that she barely cared for him. She was probably only with him because of his semi-celebrity status.  
***  
So Louis moved out; luckily his friend George had a spare room in his flat, so Louis moved in with him. The upside was that it was closer to his work. The downside was that George had his boyfriend Josh over. A lot. It didn’t really help with his own situation, but he had to take what he could get.

About a week after he’d first seen the article about the wedding, he got a text. Upon reading it, he threw his phone against a wall. (Luckily, it didn’t break.)  
***  
Harry had been thinking about Louis more than usual (if that was possible) ever since realising he wanted him at his wedding one way or another. He didn’t know how Louis or Niall would react, but it was his life, so he was going to try. He’d decided that he wanted Louis to be his best man at the wedding. Niall had been uncertain at first, but had agreed that Harry had a right to choose who would be his best man. He was slightly confused, but being Niall, refused to let it bother him. Harry was marrying him after all, and that’s what mattered.

He dug out Louis’ phone number, praying it hadn’t changed. He’d kept all of Louis’ contact details, refusing to believe that there wasn't a way back. Many times he'd took them out and stared at them, even going as far as typing in the number sometimes. He never did it though. Now, it took him a while to work up the courage to send the text, and he’d spent ages wording it just right, but he got there in the end. He desperately hoped Louis would reply.  
***  
From: Unknown Number

Hey, it’s Harry. Hope u don’t hate me anymore. So, you’ve probably heard 'bout me + Niall in the papers, and I want u to be there. Fancy being my best man Boo? Would mean a lot. xx

Louis cringed at the old nickname, but saved Harry’s number anyway. He thought deeply. Did he want to be Harry’s best man? There was a part of him that did, if only to see Harry again. But the more rational side of him knew that he would do something stupid like stopping the wedding and declaring his love, and he wasn’t that selfish. He’d wrecked Harry, he had to let him have this bit of happiness. If that meant marrying Niall, then Louis would just have to deal with the pain. Besides, his heart was screaming at him that he couldn't be at Harry's wedding as his best man; he would only ever go as his husband-to-be.  
***  
From: Boo

No, I don’t think I can, sorry. It’s not just you, it’s work and flights.

Harry cried when he got the message, and wasn’t ashamed to admit it. He’d hoped him and Louis were over this. At first he’d considered offering to pay for Louis’ flight, but then decided that maybe this was Louis’ way of saying they couldn’t be friends, and things wouldn’t get back to normal between them.

Instead, he asked Liam to be his best man (Zayn was Niall’s) and he was a good second best. He helped Harry choose a suit and kept him focused on what this wedding was really about; Niall, and Harry's love for him.  
***  
He didn’t really think about Louis again until his bachelor party. Niall had had his a few weeks prior, and flown out to Magaluf for a boy’s weekend. Harry’s was a week before the wedding and him, Liam, Zayn, Harry’s dad, and a few friends were flying out to America. He hadn’t particularly wanted to go there, of all places, but Zayn and Liam had insisted, and he couldn’t say no to them. As it drew nearer, he founded himself getting excited. Parties were always good.

They arrived at the hotel, some of them (including Harry) already (more than) slightly tipsy. That was why, when he saw the brown haired, blue eyed receptionist, he thought he was hallucinating. It was only when he heard Zayn and Liam’s anxious whispers and saw a few of the party exchange worried glances, that he realised it was real. Louis was there. Shit.  
***  
Louis sighed as he heard the stag party come in; another rowdy group of tourists ready to cause trouble. He got ready to be firmly polite as they approached, but froze as he recognised some members of the group, one in particular standing out more than the rest.

He stayed stood at the desk, not having a clue what to do. Harry was here. Harry, who he’d been rude to all those years ago, and then a few weeks ago via text.

Liam approached him, and he tensed up, ready to be defensive if he showed any hostility. Instead, Liam simply smiled wearily at him. “Long time no see, eh Tommo?”

Louis simply nodded, hearing Zayn apologising profusely to Harry in the background. Louis glanced quickly down at the book, realising it had been booked under the name Horan, and not Styles. His brain had been so far away lately that he just hadn't registered it. 

Harry then staggered forwards, obviously drunk. “Louis” he slurred, and Louis cringed, looking like a deer trapped in the headlights.

“Do you want us to take him up to the room?” Zayn asked uncertainly.

Louis shook his head. “I think he and I need to talk.”

“Okay, but Louis, I don’t care how close you and I were. If you hurt him again, especially right before his wedding, I will kick you in the balls. Got it?”

Louis gulped. Fuck, he really must have had an impact when he left. The rest of the party departed upstairs, and Louis was left with Harry. Not wanting to have a public scene, especially with possible paparazzi lurking, he persuaded his co-worker Jaymi to take over his shift. He led Harry into the back office, inviting him to sit down. Harry promptly collapsed onto the floor and burst into tears, startling Louis.

Once upon a time, he would have known exactly how to comfort the balling boy in front of him, but they’d been so distant for so long that he had no idea how to go about it. He settled for crouching down awkwardly, so as to be at eye level with Harry. Harry seemed unable to do anything other than cry, so Louis soon figured out that if he was going to get anywhere then he better get on with it.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s the matter?” he asked cautiously, finding a slightly crumpled tissue in his pocket and handing it to Harry, who began drying his eyes.

When he could see properly, clear enough to see that it actually was Louis crouching wobbly before him, he remained silent, thinking. If he told Louis the real reason why he was crying, completely unedited, then it would ruin his marriage before it had even begun. Could he do that to Niall? But then, he reasoned, on the other hand, wouldn’t it be worse to marry Niall, knowing he had stronger feelings for Louis?

“I-I don’t think I can go through with my wedding” he said, words hard to make out.

“Shouldn’t you be talking to Niall about that, and not me? He seems a nice guy” Louis replied, half amused.

“But, it’s your fault!” Harry protested, reaching out a hand and feebly thumping Louis on the shoulder. It was the first physical contact they’d had in almost five years, and took Louis so completely by surprise that he almost fell backwards. He and Harry had embarrassed themselves millions of times in front of each other, but it wouldn't be particularly helpful right now. 

“What did I do? Pretty sure the only involvement I’ve had with the whole thing was declining to be your best man! Was the whole wedding depending on me being there?” He knows he’s being a prick, refusing to take it seriously, but also knows that if he starts being serious, he’ll join Harry and they’ll both end up as sobbing messes on the floor.

“Stop being a dick!” Harry almost shouts. It’s the closest to raising his voice Louis’ ever heard him come in his life. “I confessed my feelings to you right before I left, then you went and ripped my life apart. I put it back together, but now it looks like it’s happening again. Déjà-vu or what?”

Louis blinked slowly, wondering if Harry’s words implied what he thought they did. “So what are you saying?”

“Louis, I still love you. I still want us to be together, even after what a bastard you were to me. I don’t want to, I’d much rather have a simple fucking life and get married to Niall and love him like he deserves. But I can’t, and it wouldn’t be fair on either of you if I tried to. So are we gonna have a repeat of last time?” Harry’s words ran together in his rush to get them all out.

“You know me, never a fan of repeating myself” Louis murmured, settling into a more comfortable position on his knees and locking his lips with Harry’s. For a second, Harry didn’t respond, but then he relaxed into the kiss, gentle and loving. Harry’s lips tasted salty with tears, but were soft beneath Louis’, and he couldn’t believe he was actually doing this after all these years.

They broke apart, and Louis felt a stab of guilt. Harry was a taken man. From what he’d heard and seen in the media, Niall was a pretty good boyfriend to him, and Louis just couldn’t encourage Harry to cheat on him. “Is this what you really want?” he asked, preparing for Harry to change his mind and go running back to Niall.

To his surprise and delight, Harry nodded. “I never forgot you, Lou. I love Niall, but I love you more, I'm in love with you, and I always will be. The love I have for Niall is more like the love I have for Zayn and Liam, if I’m completely honest.”

“I think you need to talk to Niall” Louis told him. He was impatient, but wanted to do the right thing.

“Hold my hand?” Harry asked, and Louis giggled, grabbing it and kissing each of his knuckles. With his spare hand, Harry pulled out his phone. Louis cringed as he saw the screensaver; a picture of Harry and Niall kissing, but reminded himself that right at that minute Harry was calling Niall up and probably about to break up with him. Besides, that picture looked like it was taken ages ago.

Harry put the phone on speaker, he didn’t really know why, just figured that it would be easier than having to explain everything to Louis later. Besides, there was a time when him and Louis kept no secrets from each other and he supposed that was a bit like this.

“Hey babe” a distinctly Irish voice said down the line.

“Niall” Harry gasped, unable to manage more.

“What’s the matter Hazza?” Louis felt bad hearing how caring Niall sounded. If he’d been a dick, then it would have been much easier. In reality, he sounded like the type of person who’s impossible to hate.

“Niall, I can’t go through with the wedding.”

“It’s him, isn’t it? Louis” Niall sounded resigned, and not as angry as Louis would have expected.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. Did Liam tell you?”

“Yep. But I kind of expected something like this would happen. You thought you were being subtle but you weren’t. I could tell he would always hold your heart.”

“Do you hate me?” Harry sounded small and scared, and Louis gripped his hand tighter. Niall’s words made him happy, even though he knew it was selfish of him.

“Harry, I couldn’t hate you. I’m just happy you got what you wanted. Can we still be friends? I’m not just saying that cause it’s what everyone says after a break up. I actually genuinely want to; I think we were more suited to be friends than husbands.”

“Thanks Niall. Thank you for everything.”

“It’s cool Haz. Is Louis there?”

Harry and Louis looked at each other, confused. Harry handed Louis the phone. “Um, it’s Louis?” he said uncertainly.

“First off, I don’t hate ya, just so that’s clear. Second, don’t hurt Harry this time. He don’t deserve any shit, okay? I fixed him once, I doubt I’ll be able to do it again.”

“Uh, yeah. I’m not gonna make the same mistake again” Louis told him, getting scared of the Irishman. He was learning pretty quickly that it would take time for people to trust him again.

Harry finished talking to Niall and hung up. At some point he had removed his ring and was rolling it between his fingers. “Why did you do that to me Louis? If you’re gonna change your mind now? I need to know, it’s been haunting me forever.”

Louis sighed; he’d known this was inevitable. “I’m so sorry about that. I had feelings for you, but thought that I was bad for having them. That’s why I got with Eleanor. You know what Mark was like. But mum’s left him now, and those feelings started resurfacing. I couldn't be your best man knowing that I'd really like to be your husband.”

“Oh.” Harry couldn’t think of an adequate reply. “How is Eleanor by the way?”

“We split up a few weeks ago. Right after I found out about your wedding.”

Harry grinned; he’d hoped the answer would be along those lines. Louis took in Harry’s hunched frame, tired eyes and sluggish words. He realised Harry was shattered; as was he.

“Harry, I think we both need a good night’s sleep. I’m not saying this to get rid of you, I think it’s just best for both of us. If you feel the same tomorrow, come find me, okay?”

Harry nodded, and Louis pulled him up off the floor, pecking him on the lips and then standing away slightly to give him space. They traipsed out of the office, Louis telling Harry his room details as he hadn’t had time to really remember them beforehand.

Harry sent a quick text to Zayn and Liam who he was sharing a room with to let them know that he was on his way up. He’d become cautious after one too many times walking in on them in compromising positions. He didn't know why he was sharing a room with them, it wasn't as if he couldn't afford separate rooms, and they probably would have liked some privacy. But Harry had never liked being alone, and Liam being Liam had probably sensed his vulnerability over the whole topic of the wedding.  
***  
Harry woke up in the morning with a slight headache and couldn’t quite understand where he was at first. Then he realised that he was on his bachelor party and his heart sank; the wedding. But then he remembered the events that occurred after his arrival, and a smile overtook his features. He sat up in bed, looking over at Zayn and Liam curled up together in bed, Zayn’s nose pressed into Liam’s hair. He was in too good a mood for that to bother him; to be honest he found it quite adorable.

“Wake up!” he yelled at them, and Zayn groaned, burying further into Liam. “I need to know something!”

“If I answer can I go back to sleep?” Liam grumbled.

“Sure. Was what happened with Louis last night real?”

“Yeah. Well, I don’t know all of it, but seeing as you were grinning like a little kid when you came back, then I’d say something good happened.”

“I have to go see him!”

“Harry, it’s not even nine in the morning" Liam informed him, pressing a button on his phone to check the time and squinting as the light hurt his eyes. 

“Hotels open early Liam!” Harry exclaimed, throwing a pillow at Liam’s head before rushing to find a half decent outfit from his suitcase. He hoped Louis would be on the early shift, or if not maybe he could persuade one of his colleagues to show him where he was. 

Harry haphazardly got ready while Zayn and Liam looked on amusedly from the bed. “If you’re going out, does this mean we can fuck?” Zayn asked.

“As long as I don’t have to hear about it. Besides, thought you wanted to sleep” Harry teased.

“Wouldn’t wanna waste an opportunity” Liam commented.

“Whatever” Harry wrinkled his nose as he finished pulling his shoes on.

He noisily left the hotel room, rushing into the lobby, pleased when he saw Louis standing at the desk.

Louis rushed over and hugged him. “You still feel the same?” he murmured into Harry’s curls, and the other boy nodded.

Throughout the day, they had a thorough chat about their feelings, and knew it would be stupid not to do something about them. They decided to enter into a relationship, but vowed to be more than simply fuck buddies, unlike before. They'd take things relatively slowly, and hopefully would be able to be as comfortable around each other as they had all those years ago. 

“If the media hear about us, you’ll probably get some negative press” Harry warned.

“I’m used to it. It’s only your opinion that matters to me.”

They simply kissed for a while, enjoying getting to know each other. They’d both changed a bit; slimmed out, grown stubble, but it made them all the more attractive to the other.

Something occurred to Louis, and he placed his hands on either side of Harry’s face to push him away, although their faces were still in very close proximity. “When are you going home?” he asked, and Harry sighed sadly.

“Tomorrow morning.” It was just their luck that they’d be separated just as they found each other again.

“Can I, um, would it be okay if I joined you? Like in a week or so?”

“Of course! I’d love that!" Harry assured him before continuing "For good though? Or just a trip?"

“For good, definitely. I’ve just gotta sort things out here. And, like, find a place to stay in England.”

“First of all, stay with me. You really think money or space is an issue? Or did you forget that easily?” Harry joked. “And would you really leave your life here for me?”

“I have nothing here. The job’s not that good, and I only have a few friends. And you’re obviously the most important” Louis replied.  
***  
Harry left the next day, and it was a tearful goodbye.

Harry and Niall released a statement to the press announcing that they had decided to split up, meaning the wedding obviously wouldn’t go ahead, but assured everybody they’d still be friends. Obviously there were rumours, and someone had managed to get a photo of Harry going into Louis’ hotel and find out that Louis worked there, but it wasn’t too bad. Harry and Niall still talked, and didn’t act much differently to each other, apart from of course they didn’t kiss or fuck or any of that shit.

Louis phoned Harry excitedly about two days after Harry left America. He’d quit his job, booked a flight, and had a date set to come home. Those five days dragged by for both of them, but after five years apart they could cope without each other for that comparatively minuscule amount of time.

Harry drove to the airport on the day Louis was due home. The flight was slightly delayed and he relentlessly paced the airport, unnecessarily paranoid that the plane had crashed or Louis had changed his mind. At last he saw the familiar mop of hair amidst the crowd, and when Louis got to him he grabbed him unimaginably tightly, kissing and hugging for an extended period of time.

Harry drove them both home, and showed Louis around the house. It was the one he’d shared with Niall, which was slightly awkward as it still contained some of his belongings, but Louis wasn’t too bothered. If Niall meant more to him than Louis did then he would never have called off the wedding.

One thing was nagging at him though, and he brought it up when he and Harry were sitting down watching Britain’s Got Talent or the xFactor or the Voice or whatever talent show was currently on. (Louis had really missed British TV.)

“Harry, Niall called you Hazza, didn’t he?” He’d picked this up during the phonecall between Niall and Harry, and didn’t like the thought of doing exactly the same thing Niall did.

Harry frowned slightly. “Yeah, but it’s only a name babe. It’s not as if it means anything.”

Louis pouted stubbornly, silent for a minute until he finally decided upon something. “I’m gonna call you Hazzi. Like that better anyway.”

Harry considered this before grinning. “’S cuter than Hazza” he murmured.  
***  
That night, Louis was way too tired to do anything other than get undressed and fall into bed, but when he woke up to a naked Harry he wasn’t gonna say no.

Their bodies pressed against each other and fit as perfectly as they’d always done. Louis gasped as Harry began to grind his hips in small circles, and corresponded by moving to straddle Harry. He grabbed Harry’s hands between their chests and covered him in dainty kisses, taking note of the many tattoos littering his skin. Harry hadn’t had a single one last time he saw him, and now he had at least forty.

He kissed each one in turn, stopping when he came across one on his left arm. “Hi” he murmured, something tugging at the back of his memory. “It’s from when we first met” Harry informed him, blushing. “I got lots of tattoos that relate to you, but Niall never figured it out.”

Louis felt like his insides were melting. “I love you Hazzi” he whispered, and Harry whispered it back. It seemed like they were both afraid to say it any louder, like it was a sacred promise that would lose its magic if not taken the utmost care of.

Louis continued exploring Harry’s body with his lips; steadily moving down, and then tugging gently with his teeth at the soft trail of hair beneath Harry’s bellybutton. Harry whined and writhed slightly, and Louis smirked. He moved his lips downwards, planting a kiss on the tip of Harry’s cock. Even that brief contact set Harry alive with desire, and he tangled his hands in Louis’ hair, pushing him towards his hard cock. Louis eagerly took Harry in his mouth; he may not have done this for years, but could still fit most of the length in his mouth. Harry closed his eyes with pleasure; Niall hadn’t been able to take nearly as much as Louis could. Louis began bobbing his head, occasionally letting his tongue swirl over the head and lick the slit. Louis’ nose repeatedly hit Harry’s body, and he hummed gently around Harry’s cock. Harry’s eyes flew open and he looked down at Louis, breathing growing heavier as he took in the sight of his boyfriend’s swollen pink lips around his cock. “You’re so pretty...with my cock...in your mouth Boo” he gasped between pants, and if Louis’ mouth was free he would have smirked. Instead, he ignored his gag reflex and took Harry’s dick right to the back of his throat, Harry crying out Louis’ name as he did so. He didn’t have time to warn Louis, he simply came, harder than he had for a long time, back arching and eyes clenched shut.

Louis pulled off and wiped his mouth, planting one last kiss to Harry's cock and then wasting no time in going to kiss Harry's lips. Feeling their cocks press together between their slick bodies, Harry began to grow hard again, and rummaged in his bedside table for lube and a condom. He slicked his fingers up, and inserted one into Louis, his other hand furiously pumping his own cock. He dragged his finger down Louis’ walls, eliciting satisfying moans, and added another, expertly opening Louis up. He still remembered exactly how to twist his fingers to make Louis come apart beneath him, pushing himself back on Harry's fingers repeatedly. He pulled them out, and Louis whined at the empty feeling. Harry tossed him the condom and he rolled it onto Harry’s cock; already hard once again. Harry moaned and did his best to keep still, and then once again got the lube, making sure to add plenty.

He inserted himself slowly, making the most of it. Louis grabbed the back of his neck to pull him closer by the soft, wispy curls there and began kissing him, often missing his mouth but neither of them particularly cared. Harry moaned into Louis’ mouth at the feel of Louis’ tight heat smothering his cock. Niall had rarely allowed him to top, so it was particularly good for him. Besides, he knew nothing could be as good as being in Louis. They fit together. Harry began moving, quickening within no time. Their legs tangled together, and Louis grabbed Harry’s hands, lacing them together either side of his head. "Fuck, I've missed you" Harry practically sobbed, enjoying the feel of Louis around him and the sounds he was making; short, breathy pants, raspy curses and moans that went straight to the pit of Harry's stomach. Harry pulled out almost to the tip each time, slamming in and hitting Louis’ prostate with precision. Louis bit down on Harry’s lip at each explosion of pleasure, high pitched moans occasionally escaping. Harry disentangled one hand and reached between their stomachs, grabbing Louis’ cock and flicking his wrist skilfully, Louis quivering beneath him. “Fuck” he gasped, before coming and clashing his hips into Harry’s, eyes rolling back and body tensing, sticky fluid spurting between their stomachs. Harry’s thrusts became sloppy as Louis grew tighter, and before long he was coming too, spilling into the condom and practically falling on top of Louis. Louis held him through his orgasm, tracing his hands along every reachable inch of Harry's body and then Harry pulled out, discarding the condom and grabbing a tissue to clean them both up.  
***  
Louis spent the first few days acclimatising to being back in England. He re-established his friendships with Liam and Zayn, who told him they were pissed off when he left, but soon were acting like normal around him. He even met Niall, who as he’d predicted he couldn’t hate. He could see that Harry and Niall had no chemistry though, and knew Harry was his now.

Their friends had obviously come to realise almost immediately that they were a couple, and although they were slightly concerned about Niall's feelings, they were mostly just glad that Harry and Louis had managed to sort themselves out after so long. Their families were accepting; both thrilled to have the other boy back in their lives. They'd always been close, often going on day trips together, and so Harry and Louis' fallout hadn't just affected the boys involved. 

The media obviously had a field day once Harry and Louis could deny their relationship no longer, but thankfully weren't too harsh. Some Niall fans were a bit put out, but most were consoled when Niall said in an interview that he was happy for the pair and dispelled rumours that Harry cheated on him. Stuff the press anyway. It was Harry and Louis that mattered, not Harry and Louis and the press.  
***  
Of course, after being apart for that long, things were difficult. There were some misunderstandings, and it took a short while for them to re-establish their closeness. Before long though, they were back to telling each other everything, and it was like Louis had never left.

Just as it was Harry’s sleep talking that had led to Louis finding out about Harry being gay, it was also this which caused a rift between the pair.

Harry woke up in the middle of the night on one occasion to find Louis sobbing into the sheets.

“What’s wrong Boo?” he had asked, placing a hand on Louis’ bare shoulder blade, only to have it instantly shaken off.

“Boo, don’t make us fall out again” Harry had begged.

“Y-you sleep talked” Louis hiccupped, doing all he could to stop the tears.

“And what’s so bad about that?” Harry inquired patiently.

“You said Niall’s name. Not mine.” This was particularly hurtful to Louis, because even when they’d only been friends, Harry had often muttered “Louis” in his sleep. Was Harry’s subconscious trying to tell them both something?

Harry just sighed, reaching out to hold both of Louis’ tiny hands in one of his own large ones. “Honey, I spent four years with Niall. Of course I’m not gonna adapt straight away. I know it’s hard, but it’s something we’re both gonna have to deal with. Me and Niall aren’t together anymore, and I’m dedicating myself to being with you. If I wasn’t serious I would never have called off the wedding. I promise you that Boo. Don’t be upset, please.”

Harry cursed his sleep talking. He had absolutely no control over it, and it made secrets extremely difficult. Not that he'd want to lie to Louis anyway. But if he hadn't wanted Louis to find out about a birthday present, or if he had a surprise planned for when the time came for Harry to propose (because he was sure that he would sometime in the near future) there stood a chance of Louis finding out. When he was with Niall, he had regularly thanked whoever was looking over him that Niall was a heavy sleeper and had never heard Harry sleep talk - he had no idea what he would have come out with, but it most probably wouldn't have been very nice for Niall to hear when Harry was supposed to be with him. 

Louis had cried into Harry’s shoulder for a bit, Harry soothing him by rubbing small circles on his back. Eventually, Louis started drifting to sleep in Harry’s arms, and he gently laid his boyfriend down, drying the remaining tears and tucking him in, before cuddling up to him and kissing his cheek.  
***  
The next morning he wanted to prove to Louis that he was honestly serious, and had remembered something that would hopefully make Louis see.

When Louis woke up and they’d both stopped being groggy and were properly awake, he stood up and said “Babe, I wanna show you something.”

Louis had raised an eyebrow and got a playful slap from Harry, before following him into his massive closet leading off from the room. (Being rich definitely had its perks.)

Louis was slightly confused as to why they were in a closet – in his opinion all it did was open up an opportunity for a whole lot of jokes. Harry had reached the back of the closet and was bending down, obviously searching for something. Louis made to step forward, but Harry stopped him.  
“Wait there” he scolded. Louis’ curiosity was bursting, but he did as he was told, and walked back out to sit on the bed, being too lazy to stand.

Before long, Harry came out of the closet (Louis giggled immaturely at that) with a small bundle of stuff in his arms. He sat down on the bed with Louis, and placed it between them. On closer examination, Louis found it to be football kits. Five years worth of them. He examined each one, finding them to be exactly his size.

“I never stopped our tradition” Harry said, a lump in his throat. “Nobody knows I did this, I just felt I had to.”

“You even remembered my size” Louis murmured, feeling his eyes well up. “I love you Hazzi.” He’d never thought something as simple as a football shirt could prove Harry cared, but it did. Harry had never given up on him, and he hoped that it was worth it for Harry in the end, now that they were together.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fanfic, so any feedback would be much appreciated! :) Thank you to everybody who reads this. Anybody interested my tumblr is becky-jane-stylinson.tumblr.com


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